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Seven Reasons Why I Won’t Take My Kids to See “Chipwrecked”

December 16, 2011

I’m not ashamed to admit I liked the first Alvin and The Chipmunks movie. I enjoyed it vicariously through my kids, who were 11 and 6 when it came out. But Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel sq-ucked, and the franchise’s latest installment, Chipwrecked, looks even more painful. Herewith, my seven reasons why I won’t be subjecting my offspring—and myself—to the threequel.

7. Mike Mitchell directed it. And I still haven’t forgiven him for Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.

6. Jenny Slate plays the female lead. And I still haven’t forgiven her for dropping an f-bomb on Saturday Night Live.

5. They need to update their pop-culture references. Another “King of the World” Titanic parody? Really?

4. David Cross is in it—again. You can’t blame the Arrested Development and Mr. Show vet for wanting to be in something people actually see. And I’m sure he cashed in on the Squeakquel. But three times? That’s just getting greedy.

3. Jason Lee is back. After a glorified cameo in the second movie—Chuck‘s Zach Levi took over the lead role—he’s returned with his chipmunk tail between his legs. Guess it’s rough without that steady My Name Is Earl network-TV paycheck. (And his TNT drama Memphis Beat just got cancelled, too.)

2. My kids don’t want to see it. They’ve grown up—and developed good taste. And if I see it without them, even for the sake of the blog, I’ll surely get suspicious stares.

1. It’s just not cute anymore. Bright eyes, bushy tails and high-pitched voices only get you so far—even if you are chirping versions of semi-current hits like “Whip My Hair” and “Bad Romance.” Call the exterminator already!

Will you be enduring Chipwrecked with your little ones this weekend? If so, why?

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  1. Matt Stewart permalink

    You should have titled this post “seven reasons why i am THAT much smarter than other parents” 😀

    • bruceafretts permalink

      Thanks, Matt! My kids are way smarter than me, though…

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