One Reason I Won’t See “One for the Money”
1. Katherine Heigl. This is my pledge: I will never pay money to see another Katherine Heigl movie. I haven’t always hated Heigl; I remember being charmed by her in an interview on MTV’s The Jon Stewart Show way back in 1994. She was promoting her role as Gerard Depardieu’s daughter in the ill-conceived Disney flick My Father the Hero, and she handled herself well, despite the fact that the episode’s other guest, Reservoir Dogs‘ Michael Madsen, was drooling all over her. No matter that she was underage at the time—maybe she’d gotten used to it after working with the notoriously, um, amorous Depardieu.
She held her own opposite another famously creepy guy as Steven Seagal’s niece in 1995’s Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (don’t laugh—it’s an underrated film). After a few cinematic missteps like Prince Valiant and Bride of Chucky, she landed a role as a teenage alien on The WB’s cult hit Roswell. During the show’s run, I was introduced to her at a publicity party and found her delightful.
A few years later, it all started to go bad. She took over Mira Sorvino’s role in an ill-fated attempt to turn Romy & Michele into a TV series, and then… came... Grey’s Anatomy. I was forced to watch the first few seasons of ABC’s hospital soap by various girlfriends—okay, I kinda enjoyed it for a while—but Heigl’s character, Izzy, grew more irksome by the episode. Once she started communing with the spirit of her dead lover Denny, I was ready to check out of the show, and so was Heigl.
She relaunched her movie career as a rom-com leading lady and soon left Grey’s behind (although now she’s saying she’d love to go back—hmmm, wonder why?). And she immediately knocked one out of the park, at least in terms of the box office, with Knocked Up, Judd Apatow’s unwanted-pregnancy farce costarring Seth Rogen. I liked everything about Knocked Up—except Heigl and Rogen. I didn’t buy them as a couple, no matter how drunk Heigl’s character supposedly was, and I didn’t like their simplistic happily-ever-after ending.
All the other characters were hilarious, however, and it’s telling that Apatow’s semi-sequel, This is Forty, focuses on the secondary characters played by Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann, not Rogen and Heigl (who may not appear in the film). Still, Knocked Up made Heigl’s movie career—and she trashed it, saying it “paints the women as shrews, humorless and uptight.” Ironically, she came off the same way, and didn’t help matters when she badmouthed Grey’s on her way out the exit.
A slew of generic yet unwatchable “comedies” followed—27 Dresses, the aptly named The Ugly Truth, Killers (which helped kill Ashton Kutcher’s movie career)—leading to Life as We Know It. Suffice it to say it’s one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen; you can read my full takedown, along with Bret Watson, at TwoCrankyGuys.com.
So now, after reuniting with Kutcher in New Year’s Eve (which I also refused to see), Heigl’s back playing spunky bail bondswoman Stephanie Plum in the big-screen adaptation of Janet Evanovich’s bestselling series of novels. I’ve never read one, but from what I gather, the character would be better suited to, say, Marisa Tomei, than Heigl. I’m not buying her as a tough chick who sold lingerie for three years in Newark—and I’m not buying a ticket, even though Lionsgate is offering discounts through Groupon. Plus, the trailer looks just plain painful.
So she’s pursuing her ex? Wasn’t this the same plot as Jennifer Aniston’s The Bounty Hunter? I refused to see that one, too—and after Just Go With It and Horrible Bosses, I might swear off all Aniston flicks, too.
Meanwhile, Heigl will be back later this year with another horrible-sounding rom-com, The Wedding. The plotline, via imdb: “A long-divorced couple fakes being married as their family unites for a wedding.” The costars include Robin Williams and Robert De Niro, yet I bet it’ll be much less funny than their previous collaboration, Awakenings. Especially since it was written and directed by the guy who penned The Bucket List. Here’s one item I can cross off my bucket list: See another Katherine Heigl crapfest.
Will you plunk down your hard-earned cash to see One for the Money? If so, why?