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What’s the Big Deal About “The Avengers”?

May 3, 2012

Everyone’s super-psyched to see The Avengers in theaters starting at 12:01 am tonight, but I couldn’t wait, so I found a copy of the movie online—and let me tell you, I was not impressed. I mean, Uma Thurman looks great in a leather bodysuit, but what’s with the phony British accent? Is she channeling Madonna? She’s no Dame Diana Rigg, who originated the role of Mrs. Emma Peel in the ’60s spy-fi series. No wonder she’s been reduced to pretending to be a movie star on Smash.

Ralph Fiennes makes a much more convincing John Steed, although I could’ve done without the gratuitous butt shot that opens the movie. I mean, you’d think after the box-office success of the Harry Potter and Clash/Wrath of the Titans movies, he could’ve insisted on a no-nudity clause in his contract.

And how did Sean Connery get caught in this claptrap? I thought that guy retired years ago, after the less-than-extraordinary League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. He looks like he wants to crawl under his rug as Sir August de Wynter, an evil scientist who’s trying to control the weather with the help of a bunch of bad guys who disguise themselves in teddy bear suits—and an Emma Peel clone!

There are more head-scratchers in the supporting cast. Jim Broadbent won an Oscar for Iris and held his own opposite Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady–what’s he doing playing a silly character named “Mother”? And Eddie Izzard must be going through a ’60s-TV nostalgia phase since he’s also just signed on for NBC’s Munsters reboot.

How a major movie studio could entrust such a beloved franchise in the incompetent hands of Jeremiah Chechik, who hasn’t made a good movie since 1989’s National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, is beyond me. After years of middlebrow TV work (Chuck, Jonas), he’s finally out of movie jail, I guess, even though the last time he tried to do a remake—Sharon Stone’s Diabolique—it was a piece of merde.

But what do I know? Industry insiders are predicting The Avengers will shatter box-office records this weekend… hang on, I’ve just been informed that this isn’t THE The Avengers that’s opening tonight. In the immortal words of Emily Litella, “Never mind!”

Will you be staying up past midnight to see The Avengers tonight? If so, make sure it’s the right one!

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3 Comments
  1. Or was that Rosanne Rosannadanna? : )

    • bruceafretts permalink

      It was always something with Roseanne Roseannadanna… but never mind.

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