“The Good Doctor”: Is the Bloom Off Orlando?
When is a movie star not a movie star? When his films succeed despite him, not because of him. That seems to be the case with Orlando Bloom, whose Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings trilogies earned billions of dollars. Yet hardly anyone went to see those movies because he was in them, and when he was dropped from the fourth Pirates adventure, nobody seemed to notice. Major filmmakers like Wolfgang Petersen and Ridley Scott cast him in lead roles in big-budget epics like Troy and Kingdom of Heaven, but the box-office returns were hellish. And when he tried to switch it up as a villain in last year’s awful 3D remake of Three Musketeers, he was foiled once again.
Bloom has momentarily put costume dramas behind him to star in a contemporary thriller, The Good Doctor, but the results aren’t any more successful than they were for his ill-fitting role as a suicidal shoe designer in Cameron Crowe’s dreadful Elizabethtown. Bloom sleepwalks his way through the role of Dr. Martin Blake, an ambitious resident who becomes inexplicably obsessed with Diane, an 18-year-old patient played by Riley Keough, who’s Elvis Presley’s granddaughter but bears more of a resemblance to Clueless-era Alicia Silverstone. You can skip the movie and just watch the trailer, which summarizes the plot right up until the movie’s shrug of an ending.
Keough’s performance is equally somnambulant, and the movie (which Bloom also produced and is now available on VOD in advance of its theatrical release on August 31) only shows signs of a pulse when Michael Peña appears as a disorderly orderly who blackmails Dr. Blake about his allegedly inappropriate relationship. The always-reliable J.K. Simmons turns up in the final 15 minutes as a cop, but even he can’t bring this soporific flick to a satisfying close. Meanwhile, ex-Northern Exposure doc Rob Morrow adopts a weird high-pitched voice, attempting to draw attention to himself as Bloom’s medical supervisor, but he’s guilty of acting malpractice.
Bloom sports an unfortunate hairstyle throughout the film, rendering him nearly unrecognizable, which may have been the point. The sad fact of the matter is, Teen People‘s “#1 Hottie” of October 2004 is 35 years old now and not that cute anymore. (Maybe after you’ve married a Victoria’s Secret model like Miranda Kerr, you can stop trying.) His career will get another artificial boost when Bloom reprises his role as Legolas in Peter Jackson’s planned Hobbit trilogy. But if he can’t anchor a successful film of his own soon, Hollywood casting directors may kick the Orlando Bloom hobbit.
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