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Is Dwayne Johnson’s “Snitch” Rock Solid?

February 21, 2013

Blurbmeisters are calling Snitch “Dwayne Johnson’s best movie yet.” Which, when you think about it, is damn faint praise. Better than Tooth Fairy? Gridiron Gang? The unwatchable Get Shorty sequel Be Cool? And you know what? Snitch may well be Dwayne Johnson’s best movie yet—I’m not a Rock completist. But it still sucks.

Johnson attempts to portray a regular guy—a construction-company owner who goes deep undercover for the feds to try and spring his son, who’s facing serious jail time on a drug charge. But even though he tears up in a jailhouse heart-to-heart with his unsympathetic twit of a teenage boy, Johnson still seems like a pro-wrestling superhero.

There’s almost no action in the brutally overlong (112 minutes!) Snitch, and Johnson is simply out of his acting league surrounded by the likes of Oscar winner Susan Sarandon—all but winking at the camera as a throw-the-book-at-’em conservative prosecutor—and quality cable actors like Jon Bernthal (The Walking Dead) and Michael Kenneth Williams (The Wire, Boardwalk Empire) as hardened criminals.

You’ve heard of Johnson’s 2010 dud Faster? (Play along with me here.) This one should’ve been called Slower. Maybe Johnson’s next movie—let’s pretend G.I. Joe: Retaliation doesn’t exist—Michael Bay’s promising true-crime drama Pain & Gain, will finally reveal Johnson’s true acting talent. He could certainly learn a thing or two from costar Mark Wahlberg, who’s transformed himself from a muscle-bound meathead to a surprisingly supple actor. Because Fast & Furious 6 isn’t going to change my perception of Johnson as an actor with all the expressiveness of a Rock.

Can you smell the movies Dwayne Johnson’s been cooking? Post a comment!

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One Comment
  1. I’ve Seen The Bulk Of DWAYNE “The Rock” JOHNSON’s Flicks And I’ll Totally And Easily Say This… “FASTER” Is By Far Far FAR My Favorite!!!
    I Don’t Know If It’s His Best, But It Also Gets That Vote From Me.
    I Love A Quality “Revenge” Flick, And “FASTER” Totally Sold Me On “The Rock” As Totally Legit! “THE RUNDOWN” Was Also A Lot Of Fun, But “FASTER” Was Even Better!
    It’s The Only “The Rock” Flick I Felt The Need To Pick-Up On Ye Ole Blu-ray. And, When It Eventually Comes Out In A “Director’s Cut” Or “Unrated Edition” I’ll Totally Make Myself A Repurchase.
    I Know A Lot Of People Didn’t Quite Dig It…
    …But Boy Oh Boy I Sure As Shit Did!!! hahahaha

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