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Live-Blogging the Oscars!

February 24, 2013

Welcome to my live blog of the 2013 Academy Awards. And the winners (and losers) are…

Jessica Chastain: Va-va-va-voom! If Hollywood ever needs to cast a live-action version of Jessica Rabbit, she’d get my vote.

Amy Adams: Looks like she borrowed the excess feathers from Bjork’s infamous Oscar dress.

Everyone’s wearing too much blush. Even Kerry Washington and Zoe Saldana have overly rosy cheeks. Or maybe they’re all just embarrassed to be interviewed by Ryan Seacrest.

CNN’s Piers Morgan needs to stop asking interviewees to make their “loser face.” Of course, given his ratings, any face Morgan makes is a loser face.

How embarrassing! Jennifer Lawrence put her necklace on backwards!

In that baggy dress, Sally Field looks like she’s going to the SAG Awards.

512abace80934.imageHelena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton must save money by going to the same hair-nonstylist.

Anne Hathaway’s got toilet paper hanging off the back of her dress. Awkward!

Is that the Bat-symbol on Nicole Kidman’s dress?

Kristin Chenoweth: Did she suffer brain damage from that head injury?

Robert De Niro: Did he just wake up from a nap?

Well, now we know who wears the pants in Hugh Jackman’s family. And the jacket.

Seth MacFarlane: Commenting on what a horrible host you are doesn’t make you any less horrible. But nice shoutout to my friend Stephen Battaglio!

Is the Shatner bit over yet?

Christoph Waltz wins! I’m 1 for 1 with my predictions!

5126bc1a20315.preview-300Tommy Lee Jones isn’t laughing anymore…

I lied in my predictions: I did see one of the shorts: “Paperman.” Before “Wreck It Ralph.” And I liked it!

Aw, “Frankenweenie” didn’t win. There goes my perfect record…

“Pi” for Cinematography! Nailed it!

“Pi” for Visual Effects! Didn’t nail it!

What’s with playing off the “Pi” guys with the “Jaws” theme? Wouldn’t “Eye of the Tiger” have been more appropriate?

“Anna Karenina” for Costumes! That’s the only award that trainwreck deserved!

Does Halle Berry really want to remind us she was a Bond Girl? Guess it beats reminding us she was in “Cloud Atlas.”

My girlfriend thinks Seth MacFarlane looks like Peter Brady.

Does John Travolta have a beard? I mean, aside from Kelly Preston.

f42b9207-5f15-4460-a487-ee10353b14aa-274x420Someone feed Samantha Barks a baguette!

Ted taking a shot at Ed Harris? Why?

A tie for Best Sound Editing? Insert “BOING!!!” sound effect here.

Anne Hathaway’s nipple darts are distracting me.

Has anyone checked Kristen Stewart for head lice?

Seth MacFarlane: Shut up. Just shut up. And please cut your closing number with Kristin Chenoweth. This show is going longggg…

Is Barbra Streisand auditioning for Game of Thrones? Gayest Oscars ever! Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

Hey, the producers of the Oscars also produced “Chicago,” didn’t they?

Is Norah Jones wearing a lampshade on her head? Oh wait, that’s her hair.

Charlize+Theron+85th+Annual+Academy+Awards+UswnrNbOLEdlDustin Hoffman must have a nice view of Charlize Theron’s dress from down there.

Peace out, Quentin? 1994 called–it wants its catchphrase back.

Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas: “China Syndrome” reunion!

Ang Lee! Everybody out of the Oscar pool!

J-LAW DOWN! J-LAW DOWN!!

Did you bring enough gum for everyone, Joaquin?

Daniel Day-Lewis is getting more laughs than Seth. Maybe he should host next year.

Did Michelle Obama just win Best Actress? Because she should’ve.

Ben Affleck to the Academy: Argo f— yourself!

Seth MacFarlane and Kristin Chenoweth: Here’s to the losers, indeed.

What did you think of this year’s Oscars ? Post a comment !

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9 Comments
  1. I emailed the Oscars website already begging them to stop trying to be funny. It’s embarassing to the industry, the institution, the country.

  2. Your girlfriend is correct.

  3. Jeff coyne permalink

    Did Kristin Stewart go to the Bill Paxton school of drama?

  4. Sarah Brennan-Green permalink

    McFarlane’s stealing your lines!

  5. Sarah Brennan-Green permalink

    “Peace out, Quentin? 1994 called–it wants its catchphrase back.” Word.

  6. See my tirade-as-comment on Battaglio’s article.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Where Does Ben Affleck “Argo” From Here? | Fretts on Film

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