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2014 Oscars Live Blog: Who Won and More

March 2, 2014

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Ok, let me kick off my live blog of this year’s Academy Awards by sharing my picks for who will win (and bear in mind, I’ve never won an Oscar pool in my life—although that might just mean I’m overdue). Refresh the page frequently to see my running commentary on this year’s ceremony…

Best Picture: 12 Years a Slave

Best Director: Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity

Best Actor: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

Best Actress: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

Best Supporting Actress: Lupita N’yongo, 12 Years a Slave

Best Animated Film: Frozen

Best Foreign Film: The Great Beauty

Best Original Screenplay: American Hustle

Best Adapted Screenplay: 12 Years a Slave

Best Costume Design: The Great Gatsby

Best Song: “Let it Go” from Frozen

Best Score: Philomena

Best Documentary: The Act of Killing

Best Documentary Short: The Lady in Number 6

Best Makeup: Dallas Buyers Club

Best Production Design: The Great Gatsby

Best Editing: Gravity

Best Cinematography: Gravity

Best Sound Editing: Gravity

Best Sound Mixing: Gravity

Best Visual Effects: Gravity

Best Animated Short: Get a Horse

Best Live Action Short: The Voorman Problem

6:51pm I’ve been watching the preshow for almost an hour now and I’ve yet to see a single movie star. John Legend, Pharrell Williams, Kristin Chenoweth, Idina Menzel, Kristen Bell, Dax Shepard… is this the Grammys, the Tonys or the Emmys?

6:59pm Is there a more depressing sight on TV than Ross Matthews and Kelly Osbourne passing fashion judgment on others? They make me miss the relative subtlety and class of Joan and Melissa Rivers.

7:02pm Lupita N’yongo. Finally, a movie star!

7:20pm Ryan Seacrest can’t believe this is Bette Midler’s first time at the Oscars! Because it’s not. It’s her first time performing at the Oscars. She’s been nominated twice before (for The Rose and For the Boys), you dope.

7:30pm Jennifer Lawrence falls on the red carpet! Okay, that shtick is getting a little old…

8:06pm Robin Roberts asks Bill Murray who makes him laugh. He says “Dave Letterman.” Which reminds me 20 years ago, Dave hosted the Oscars and I still say he was funny! (Also, Pulp Fiction should’ve beaten Forrest Gump.) And… cut to Jimmy Kimmel?

8:14pm Why didn’t Robin Roberts congratulate Will Smith for winning Razzies for After Earth?

8:24pm Lara Spencer says, “The Oscars is about to start.” And good grammar is about to end.

8:25pm Kevin Spacey says John Stamos just walked past him. Was that a set-up for his Full House of Cards joke or is John Stamos really at the Oscars? STAMOS! *shakes fist at sky*

8:34pm I think Ellen DeGeneres’ opening monologue is funny, but I can’t tell because I’m distracted by her pirate getup. Is that Seinfeld‘s puffy shirt?

8:40pm ANNE HATHAWAY’S DRESS IS BLINDING ME!!!!!

8:42pm Jared Leto wins. I’m 1 for 1. Tied with everybody else.

8:46pm 30 Seconds to Mars? Jared Leto’s speech was 30 seconds too long! (H/T Jebidiah Atkinson.)

8:58pm The Great Gatsby wins Best Costume Design. I’m 2 for 2! (I didn’t even see it, and I still knew it was going to win.)

9:01pm Dallas Buyers Club wins Best Makeup and Hair Design. I’m 3 for 3! Because there’s just no way Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa or The Lone Ranger could ever win an Oscar.

9:03pm Harrison Ford calls American Hustle a “scam.” On that we agree…

kim.novak_9:11pm Kim Novak looks like a fish. She’s scarier than any Hitchcock movie.

9:13pm Mr. Hublot wins Best Animated Short. And I lose the Oscar pool.

9:16pm Frozen wins! And I’m not talking about Kim Novak’s face.

9:21pm I was right about Frozen, and Gravity for Best Visual Effects. Maybe I will win the Oscar pool after all…

9:24pm Have I mentioned that I hated Her? Here’s why…

9:31pm Helium wins for Best Live Action Short over The Voorman Problem. And that’s a Fretts problem in the Oscar pool.

9:34pm The Lady in Number 6 wins for Best Documentary Short. Called it! (When in doubt, always go with the Holocaust doc.)

9:37pm 20 Feet for Stardom wins Best Documentary Feature. Hey, I saw it at the Montclair Film Festival! (And I interviewed Darlene Love there.) Good trick, Darlene–singing your acceptance speech. They can’t play you off.

9:49pm The Great Beauty wins Best Foreign Language Film. I have no joke here, just want to say I got it right!

9:51pm Why is Madea dressed as a man?

9:57pm Why is U2 stealing Mumford and Sons’ standing-in-a-line shtick?

10:02pm Did Jennifer Lawrence just threaten to “drop a boob” during that group selfie with Ellen? OK, she won me over again…

10:09pm Gravity wins both Best Sound awards. That sound you hear is me roaring back to life in my Oscar pool!

10:12pm Lupita Nyong’oHHHH YEAH!!!! (But why is Liza Minnelli hugging her?)

10:25pm Ok, they finally got around to Steve Martin. Where is Bill Murray’s honorary Oscar? “Tell ’em who’s up for Best Shooter…” (Nice tribute to Harold Ramis, too.)

10:30pm Gravity wins for Best Editing. I wish these guys could edit this ceremony! (They could start by cutting out the two times Ellen has missed her entrance cues.)

10:32pm Oh, they played off Alfonso Cuaron! That’s okay, he’ll get a chance to accept Best Director later.

10:36pm If I click my heels together, will it make Pink disappear?

10:44pm Production design: The Great Gatsby. See costume design above.

10:46pm “Please welcome the talented Chris Evans.” Somebody got paid to write that?

10:55pm I’m not sure Joe Kidd is what Elmore Leonard would want to be remembered for…

11:02pm Bette Midler looking surprised to get a standing ovation is the best acting she’s done in years.

11:05 pm GOLDIE HAWN CAN’T STOP SMILING! (No, really, she can’t…)

11:08pm Did John Travolta just have a stroke trying to pronounce Idina Menzel?

11:12pm This is why we go to rehearsals, Jamie Foxx…

11:24pm Typewriters. Screenplays. I get it!

11:27pm Have I mentioned that I hated Her? Oh, I did…?

11:35pm TOLDJA Alfonso Cuaron would win!

11:44pm Cate Blanchett’s husband gives hope to ugly guys everywhere.

11:46pm Nervous smattering of applause for Woody Allen…

11:50pm Matthew McConaugHEYYYYYY!!!!

11:52pm Woody Allen got more applause than God. Welcome to Hollywood!

11:54pm Matthew McConaughey is chasing himself 10 years in the future? I want some of what he’s been smoking!

11:55pm Razzie winner Will Smith presents Best Picture. This must be Oscar history!

11:57pm 12 Years a Slave wins Best Picture. And this show felt like it lasted 12 years. Good night!

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